bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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