i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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