whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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