I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I am available for nakedness
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
