and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
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