I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
