i think my tv is drunk
zippers are such a cool invention
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize