now i know why i became what i already was.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
