I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
