Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
