so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
