Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i need some magic done to my vagina
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
