Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
