I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
