You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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