I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
