Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
