I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
