Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
