the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
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putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
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My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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