chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
