I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize