there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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