Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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