I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
