You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
