please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize