Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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