I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
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TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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