hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
