My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
