I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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