I seem to have left my pride at pride
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
