well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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