I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
