So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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