He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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