there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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