and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
