Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
