My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
