Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
worst night to have a conscience
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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