Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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