I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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