No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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