My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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