I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
