Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
