for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Come see our sink grown plant.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
