Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
