She is in my trunk
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
