I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
