so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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