I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
