Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
