I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Still dying that you shit outside
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
