ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
