Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
