If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
