i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We have started to decorate penises.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
