I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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