I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
