I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
