I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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