I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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