He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Also, beer. Big fan.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
